Rayn

rayngoddess @ 2008-08-24T18:37:00

2008-08-24T22:39:14Z

Is anyone truly ready for everything life as to throw their way. And if you wait till things are perfect you might have missed out on alot of things that you were to busy not waiting for them that they are gone.

rayngoddess @ 2008-08-23T11:44:00

2008-08-23T15:46:09Z

If you are supost to put the past behind you and never look back to live in the now who are you? Every yesterday is the past and you can't have a future without the past. You have to learn and move forward but sometimes you get stuck.

rayngoddess @ 2008-08-15T11:13:00

2008-08-15T15:43:05Z

My life is at a standstill. I can't stand it I want to move but if I make one wrong move my life will fall to many piece will be like humpy-dumpy he was never fixed. Can I chance it am I strong enough? I don't have the answers so I wait. Watching as everyone else is moving and I can't move with them. My life is pasting me by as I watch. I am just to afraid to make one sound if I do someone might hear all the pain that my heart is trying to run from. I am the only one that can do something about it so why can't I just do it.

rayngoddess @ 2006-10-21T13:25:00

2006-10-21T17:34:30Z

Well I haven't said much of anything on here in a while. So here is what has been going on. I am six months pregnant with a girl. I am excited about that. I don't want to fcuk her up like my mother fucked me. Which is why I din't care so much when I had my boy. Alice Pandora will be welcomed with opened arms anyway. On Friday, October 13th the best day of the year I got engaged!! I work at my dream job, it's just seasonal right now. But I am hoping that she hires me on after the holidays that would kick major ass! I got into a car accident that totaled out my Ford. So now I have a black Honda. It's an older model but it's cool. Everything is up and down for the most part like life is always but it seems like somethings are going in a good direction.

rayngoddess @ 2006-04-19T18:28:00

2006-04-19T18:37:34Z

There is nothing really to report other then I am going out with Derek. It's sort of weird to think that I am dating Nano's ex brother in-law. But it's all good. I am really happy with him. Loki adores him so...I have been working at Steak n' Shake for about two weeks now. It's a good job I work with my best friend so I can get away with just standing around having nothing to do but it makes the hours go by slowly. But I can't really complain. I have been thinking of moving to Bloomington without my "friends" because we stopped talking to each other for some reason of another I have no clue why. But I want to move never the less with or without them. I have been reading Carlos alot lately to deal with things that I need help with. Being a better person is so much better then being bitchy all the god damn time!

rayngoddess @ 2006-04-11T13:53:00

2006-04-11T17:55:36Z

Why does it feel like this world is so fake...Everyday we wake up to the same old thing. I was something new, fun, exciting. But I know I will never get it in this state or state of mind. I want to pack up everything I can fit in my car and drive somewhere anywhere but here. But I know that I can't do that...

rayngoddess @ 2006-03-29T11:16:00

2006-03-29T16:18:50Z

Went to a show on Saturday in Seymour nothing good ever comes out of Seymour but yeah. I meet a guy that is the lead singer of Red Hand Release. Yesterday I drove two hours to see this guy in Kentucky!! What fun. The drive sucked the time spent with him was awesome...

Imagine if we all liked each other

2006-03-27T22:08:08Z

The government would be putting money to better everyone instead of war. We would be like Japan...No fighting and a good education. Would that be so bad? I could live with that. If everyone like each other no one would go with out.

rayngoddess @ 2006-03-18T14:22:00

2006-03-18T19:24:11Z

Love and hate. These are things we are taught all our lifes. But are either real?

rayngoddess @ 2006-03-01T10:58:00

2006-03-01T15:59:17Z

In a world of make believe there is no need for apologies because you have done nothing wrong. What a world that would be to never learn anything but how to be. Would you be better off in that world or the one where everything happens to teach you something. When are we going to open our eyes to see that nothing is a accident. It is there to make us think. Most of us just talk to ourselves an think what a horrible life we have. But never think how to make it better. Everything is automatic we work towards nothing but money. Money really isn't everything we need it yes but it doesn't have to be your main passion. Whatever happened to people having dreams? Open your eyes to the wonder that is all around but you have been shut to.

rayngoddess @ 2006-02-13T16:50:00

2006-02-13T21:55:58Z

I have been dealing with alot of drama. I put myself in it when it wasn't really that much drama but now it is this big thing so I am taking myself out of all of this. I want to just say f*ck it and go away and turn my back on it forever. But I don't think it would do any good or bad for that to happen. I don't know where I stand in this thick shit. I hope one day later in life I can look back on all this with a smile but right now all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry. I am sorry for all the pain that I made and I am sorry for all the shit that I went along with when I didn't know any of this shit. Maybe one day I can open my heart again but not right now.

rayngoddess @ 2006-01-27T16:42:00

2006-01-27T21:45:12Z

I have been going through days lately were I have no feelings. I really don't know if it is good or bad. There is a voice inside my head that tells me to have a normal tone of voice and not raise it because I am not mad I just voice my opinions that way. That is it though nothing else really I feel like I am detached and I am confused as to what that means.

rayngoddess @ 2006-01-21T16:21:00

2006-01-21T21:23:30Z

Sometimes I just want to give up. Why am I estranged. I didn't think that I was that far away from you that you didn't even consider me a friend. But whatever. I will always be here for you if you ever want to be my friend again. Thanks

rayngoddess @ 2006-01-17T14:56:00

2006-01-17T20:04:00Z

I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. I don't really know why I got my baby and that is all that should matter to me but little things have been getting to me again. I am sick of people who say they are going to call and never do. I'm not that important for you to take at least fifteen minutes out of your day and make sure that I am in fact still alive!!! I still don't have a job and my deadline for myself is coming up fast and it is getting to me that I have no money to do anything with. I have been cleaning the house like crazy it is driving me mad that the house it's the way I want it I am making it so. I have been thinking about everyone that is in my life. Are they worth keeping or should I just throw their number out and forget about them. I understand now that small talk is stupid if you have nothing to say don't say anything. It's stupid to talk to the sake of talking because then it will never mean anything when you do start talking and you want people to listen to you. I am tired

rayngoddess @ 2006-01-12T18:21:00

2006-01-12T23:33:06Z

So I am writing to make Nevie happy. Are you happy???!!! I have been going through alot of things lately. I don't really understand what is going on in my life but I am working on gaining control of it and make things go the way I want them to go. Not the way others want them to go... Every night I think about things I did that day I think did I handle everything in a good manner, did I respect others as I should... I try and make sure that I think things before I say them. I was one of those people that would say whatever I wanted not caring. I was alot of things that I am working on not being. I have starting writing in a journal. I haven't done that in over four years. But it has been helping me with things. I have been writing all my dreams down and thoughts that I have on them. They always seem to have Nny in them but sense he is my teacher then I guess it is a good thing. Nothing has been the same sense Nny entered my life so I thank him... I always wondered if life was the way you make it or events that take place that make your life the way it is. It is both in a sense. I have opened my mind up to all things that I use to think impossible or crazy. And sometimes I wonder if I am going crazy myself!!!

rayngoddess @ 2005-12-19T12:29:00

2005-12-19T17:29:12Z

Ok I really hate being diabetic. I have found someone that is really important in my life. I need to keep them there in anyway shape or form. I love this person but to what extent I don't know. But we can't have a relationship because in the near future we are taking different paths in life to find out more about ourselves. And that doesn't include one another. So he is my candy bar that I can look and talk to but never hold and taste what is real. But it best if we are just friends I want to no everything about him. I have started a whole new book in life. I am throwing the old one away and starting fresh. I am learning about myself everyday. And I need him in my life. I don't need him to be my new life that I have to figure out on my own. So it is for the best that we are not together because I can't do that again. But I don't want him to be apart of the foundation in my life. I need friends to lean on in my time of change. I have best of friends in the ones I do have. I don't just keep anyone around to be my friend. You are there for a reason. I am still figuring out what my reason for being here is. I may just be here for Loki so that he has a change at something great. But I need to work towards being someone who can do that.

rayngoddess @ 2005-11-30T10:29:00

2005-11-30T15:31:50Z

It really sucks to have feelings for someone.And you have no idea if you are wasting your time liking them. Or what if they are only being nice so they don't hurt your feelings? Being positive sucks. I can't do that when I have all these negative thoughts going through my head. Damnit!!!!

rayngoddess @ 2005-11-20T14:42:00

2005-11-20T19:55:51Z

Ok. So two days before Woodcrumb and I would have been going out 8 months he broke up with me because I lose my job. I should have seen it coming but whatever. I feel like I should hate him more then I do.But I don't. I guess I am just a big idiot. I went there to get all my stuff and he apologized for breaking up with me but he doesn't want to go back out with me. Whatever. I have been hanging out with his brother B. I am having fun but I am over relationships for awhile. Dating is ok but I am over all the headaches. What is the piont in a relationship other then sex anyway???

rayngoddess @ 2005-11-11T22:31:00

2005-11-12T03:43:08Z

Is affection that hard to come by? I am a needy person in that sense. I need that person to person touch. To feel them and to know that they aren't thinking of someone else or wanting to be somewhere else. Can I get over this or is it inplanted in my brian to want it.

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-23T11:07:00

2005-10-23T16:07:48Z

stupid but how do you change your "mood" picture?

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-15T22:28:00

2005-10-16T03:36:05Z

I went to Denny's last night. It was great there was a lot of people from the show at The Crump. We were all doing late night Karaoke!! Everyone was asking if we were drunk. None of us were drunk! It was great we had people requesting songs for us to sing. I had a ball. Every night should go like that at Denny's.
I have so much fun with Sills and his friend. They make any one in a bad mood better by just one look.

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-13T14:36:00

2005-10-13T19:37:34Z

I have a myspace account now! It is fun. Everyone from Columbus is on it. It's so funny.

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-08T11:51:00

2005-10-08T16:56:42Z

I am having so much fun being with all the people that care about me. It makes me feel like I am wanted. I know that I don't say much when I am around but it means alot to me to know that I am wanted. Maybe not needed but wanted. I need them more then they need me. That is probably a bad thing but it will have to do.

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-06T16:35:00

2005-10-06T21:37:22Z

Hey everyone. I wonder if just one day if everything can go right. I don't think so now but I wish. Wishing on a star at night that one day just one that everything in my life will fall into place.

I am at Flirpy's house letting the kids hang out.

rayngoddess @ 2005-10-01T10:34:00

2005-10-01T15:45:58Z

Wednesday was My 22st birthday. Everyone always asks how you feel now that you r one year older. The only thing I can say is that I don't so much care how old I am as long as I don't feel old. No what I mean? I had lunch with my mom and got a to go clothes shopping and then she gave me $60. Then I came to Woodcrumbs to see him we didn't do much because we were broke(2 days away from payday) but we played baseball with Loki and watched t.v. together. I can say that I don't care what happened that day as long as I can cuddle with my two boys everything is good. That is so lame but is true. In Thursday I went down to Seymour to see my bestfriend Gen and to go to Octoberfest. It was fun I got a ring,a moon candle like my tattoo,and incenses. Then I went to Denny's to hang out the the three coolest people in Columbus at 1 in the morning, Sills and friends. I will stay up just to talk to them. Who needs sleep when you have caffeine in a cup to keep you going. It was a good todays.